so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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