sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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