dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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