Nicole vs. Life
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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