$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
