new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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