Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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