dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
