i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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