Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
