It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
