Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Pooping to opera.
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