I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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