I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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