i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
