can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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