never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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