Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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