so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my shit smells like andre
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
