do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
