she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
