You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
