I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There r osticjed everywhere
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
