you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You're like the curious george of whores
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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