ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We got so high we made milksteak
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
