Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
