Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
