last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
