Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
