in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
