shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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