i just had sex bonerless
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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