fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
