Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
