I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
