this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
