Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
