I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
