Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
