I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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