Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
