he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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