you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
