i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
