too bad you live with your parents still
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
