Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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