just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
