theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
