I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
