So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
