Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
