I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
