Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
