Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
